We all have patterns in life and the first step to break that pattern is identification. Once you have identified your pattern, you have already taken the first step. Here we are discussing the pattern, when people care with love but expect the same and when not receiving commensurate response, get angry with the same people and hurt them.
Having identified the pattern, now there has to be a resolve to break that pattern.
The next step is to become aware and see whenever you are getting into that pattern and stop yourself.
Every time you are doing the “act of kindness”, pl step back and think, what are you wanting in return. That act should gratify you RIGHT THEN. You maybe are getting love, respect, importance, self-satisfaction, superiority by indulging in that act - AND THAT IS YOUR GRATIFICATION. You have to look at that act as a selfish act which is giving you that gratification. The moment you do that, your transaction will be over in that moment and there is nothing that you will look for in return for your action at a later date. If you think that gratification is not good enough then pl do not even go ahead with that “act of kindness”. Make every act an act of selfishness – not the way people understand it conventionally, but the way we discussed it.
There is this concept of Objectivism which was given by Ayn Rand, which apart from other things, also believes in rational self-interest. It says that you should act so as to maximize self-interest. This is not to be taken negatively as things like happiness, love, respect, self-importance and feeling of being useful – all need to be taken as gratification. This theory is useful if taken in this manner as it allows you to act without expectations and would lead to better relationships. More importantly as we discussed above you are not carrying baggage of your act to the next moment.
Hi Mona,
ReplyDeleteThis is an insightful post, rather, I would say unconventional from point of view of traditional belief system. Ayn Rand was a great intellectual, I have read couple of her books on my teens. At one point it was a fad to flash ‘Atlas Shrugged’ or ‘Fountain Head’ to show off one’s intellectual level.
She epitomised American materialism in a fiery wide angle. She was an indomitable spirit. The concept of objectivism she propounded is a constant reminder and reckonor to all those who all vulnerable to intellectual slavery to religious belief system. Her call to give supreme importance to self-interest is noteworthy.
If we take self-interest or selfishness as translation of ‘swaarth’, then there is no confusion. ‘Swaarth’ is a combination of ‘swa’ and ‘arth’ which means that searching for or attaining to essence or meaning of self. Incidentally, I believe this is what real spirituality is all about!
Thanks a lot for the post.
Dinesh.
Thanks Dinesh,
ReplyDeleteVery insightful comment from your end. I understand when you say that a particular stage of life the books by Ayn Rand may have been a fad, but it is essential to go past that and understand the philosophy, which as you rightly say is spiritual.
Mona,
ReplyDeleteYou are really talented and possess good power of expression. I am very much fascinated with your style of writing. On this ‘post’ all I can add from my side is only on gratification, that too as said by Dr. Samuel Johnson:
“Life affords no higher pleasure than that of surmounting difficulties, passing from one step of success to another, forming new wishes and seeing them gratified. He that labors in any great or laudable undertaking has his fatigues first supported by hope and afterward rewarded by joy.”
thanks sir
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